Last time I read instructions was when I bought an electrical toothbrush. Sounds stupid right, because "it's just an electrical toothbrush". But by reading the instructions I found out that the toothbrush makes a weird signal when 2 minutes are up and it's time to stop brushing, and also that the battery lasts for about 5 days (and I shouldn't keep the thing constantly in charge-battery-mode).
I didn't used to read instructions. I bought an Ikea shelf, you know the one that's called LACK or something. The one that everybody has, which is quite large but looks really simple to put together. So I start, and after 2 hours of constant fighting with screws that don't quite fit, I have a shelf that kinda stands on it's own, with a few holes in it caused by some misguided anger administrated by a hammer held by me, and about 15 screws left over. Afterwards I got to reading the instructions (yeah, THAT's the time to read instructions) and had a few "aaaaaaaaaaaa" moments, realizing that had I just read the instructions before, I'd have a nice little LACK shelf with all the screws in their right place. Instead I have a nice little LACK shelf that might fall apart at any moment, and that has holes in it, reminding me every day about the existence of an angry person who lives inside of me when things don't go my way.
Of course, reading the instructions doesn't mean that I never have any left over screws anymore. I think that sometimes those little Ikea workers at Bangladesh decide to spice up their day, and they put some extra screws in the package just to SCREW me over. Or leave some screws out, and put the wrong ones in, what ever floats their boat at that moment of total bengal-madness.
Also, being a woman living on her own, means that you need to learn to do stuff that normally the man of the house would do. And since I'm not an engineer or an electrician, better to read the instructions before and only then get to work. Actually, I've noticed that my 13+ years of single living have paid off, since here in Italy I often find out that I'm better equipped to handle situations such as power shortages or what not compared to my male companions (who usually call their mom to come over and resolve the problem).
What to do when the heater doesn't work? Take out the manual and find out. What to do when the power goes out? Go to the fuse box and see what's wrong. Want to bake a cake? The recipe is on the table.
These days there are instructions for almost everything. Still, we choose not to read them, even though it would save time in the end, and also allow us to use the product more efficiently. Let's face it, we're a little stupid.
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| How many pens does it take to put together a LACK shelf? Three Two blue, one red. The one in the back is not a pen, it's a pencil. (yes, it was a trick question) |
Sometimes I wish there was a manual I could hand out to people when I meet them for the first time. "Hello, nice to meet you, here's my operating manual". This new person could read the manual and know immediately how I work, what goes with what, what to do when I have a few screws loose, and how to re-boot the system when it falls down completely. I wouldn't have to explain about all the little quirks and weird things I do, the person would already know to expect them and could just enjoy them instead of looking at me with a scared look on their face. I would like to have a manual of the other person too. What to do, what not to do. There would be less confusion, less misunderstanding, and a lot more comprehension for the other person. Also, you'd get the best use out of your new friend knowing right away e.g. that he's a singer (always available to play at your party), he's a mechanic (always ready to fix your car), or that he cooks really well (always welcome to move in with me).
Not to mention how well this would work on a first date. You'd meet up, exchange manuals, both of you take a moment to see what's in there, and you can decide right away if you think there's a possibility for
a) a long term commitment
b) an open relationship
c) one night stand
d) no interest at all
There's only one problem. Men don't read instructions.
Well, it sounded too good to be true anyway.
Back to the drawing board I guess.
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