Who watches the marvelous reality TV show called "Shopping Night" with the gay-as-a-spring-cucumber Enzo Miccio and rigid-as-a-frozen-grasshopper Carla Gozzi? Come on, it's ok to say it, I know it's embarrassing but you're not alone, I watch it too. We can form a support group later, but now it's time to talk about the greatness of this wonderful show.
Link to the episodes of Shopping Night on Real Time
So there are always 3 superconfident women who are being chosen for every episode, and they enter in this huge department store during the night when there are no other people there. And for what? For shopping of course!! They come out of this fancy limo wearing only a bathrobe, and find Carla and Enzo in front of the department store already waiting. They present these poor women with "the challenge of the evening", which is to find the perfect outfit for some special occasion, such as a new year's eve party, a meeting with the ex (my absolute favorite, I didn't even know there was a special way to dress for the ex!!), or a school reunion. They send the girls on their way, and then retire to this "control room" to observe the events.
"The world of fashion needs a new queen, go hurry girls, it's SHOPPING NIGHT!!!"
And let the mother of all things corny begin...
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| Here's what I would've chosen for the ex... a Paul Frank hoodie... |
Now, first of all, the girls have only 15 minutes to find the clothes they want. There's something fishy here if you ask me. If I enter into a store, ANY store of ANY size, it's going to take at least 5 minutes for me to figure out where everything is and from where to start. How these girls manage to find at least 15 outfits from a huge department store in 15 minutes is beyond me. Then again, I'm not in the show, they are.
Obviously Enzo and Carla are often appalled by the clothes that the girls are choosing. They do these pre-arranged smart-as-a-whip dialogues about how one of the girls has chosen a skirt with a leopard design on it, and they'll say things like "it's so last season" or some other weird thing in French. Every once in a while one of them goes to talk to the girls to give advice about accessories or shoes or some other shit that's really not that important.
When 15 minutes are up, it's time for "steal the deal". Or in other words each of the girls can steal an outfit from one of the other girls. None of the girls go about this task thinking "what does she have that would look good on me". No no. These vindictive bitches steal an outfit thinking "this would look SO good on her, so I better steal it, even though it would look like a piece of crap on me". You go girl, that's the spirit of a fair game!
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| ...these supercool Converse sneakers... |
Ok, then it's off to the dressing rooms. Again, they have like 5 minutes of time to try on all the clothes they managed to drag with them. How the hell do they do this? Ok, they're wearing only a bathrobe so they don't really need to undress first (something that during the winter months in Finland takes about 8,5 minutes, starting from your reindeer-skin coat). But still, I'd never manage to try on 15 pieces of clothing in 5 minutes, and decide what looks good and what not. There's something fishy here too folks...
In the midst of the struggling with the clothes there's obviously also pre-arranged bickering among the contestants. I can just picture in my mind how the director has given each girl a line to say, they've practiced it a few times, and off you go you little actor-wanna-be-you's! They're almost as convincing as Enzo "I have all the Cindy Crawford work out tapes" Miccio and Carla "could someone come and put some oil in my joints before I fall apart completely" Gozzi.
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| ...these mind-blowing blue jeans... |
In the end the girls get a little make up of their own choosing, and after that they present themselves to the judges, a.k.a. Enzo and Carla. Each of the girls talk about their outfit and say why they chose those clothes and accessories in particular. It works like this.
1. Girl A says she chose the dress because it has a nice neck line
2. (there's a cut to a scene where Girl B says something horrible about the neck line on that dress)
3. Girl B says she chose the shoes because they had some lovely glitter on it and that they reflect her personality
4. (there's a cut to a scene where Girl A says that Girl B's personality is as interesting as a wet dog's fart)
And so on.... basically it's a roast.
Of course there can be only one winner, one "queen", so Enzo and Carla take a little break to discuss the outfits and then give their ruling. There's always one girl who has committed "a crime against fashion that can't be forgiven". To them it's so obvious who's the first one out, but I have to say that I have no clue as to who's the loser or why. To me, the girls are often equally weirdly dressed. In the end they choose the winner among the two girls left, and she tries to act all surprised and maybe even cries a little. She also get's a small crown. Well, duh. She's the new queen of fashion isn't she?
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| ...and my new cool eyeglasses. No wait, THAT'S JUST HOW I DRESS EVERY DAY. Damn. |
This is one of the worst and stupidest TV- shows ever made, but by god you have to love Enzo and Carla and their robot-like banter. The fact that he bursts out to sing some old Italian folk-tune every now and then as if his whole life was a musical, and she tries not to trip with her squickely knees as even her bathroom visits are done according to the etiquette. You have to adore the 3 women who have peed their pants for the last 6 months waiting to be on the show and then finally get kicked out because they mixed black with brown.
So next Wednesday at 23.05, don't miss this show that will one day undoubtedly be a part of the Italian broadcasting heritage.
SHOPPING NIGHT!!!!
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